A for Effort
by This Is My Escape
Summary: Emma and Killian have been best friends for as long as they can remember. After a rather dramatic turn at the library, one of them makes a choice that will forever change things between them. Rated M.
1. Chapter 1

**Pairing:** Captain Swan (was there even a question?)

**Rating: **M for language

**Prompter/Prompt: **This one was (also) from onceuponaluke: "Killian and Emma are at uni and are just being their cute adorbs selves. ( PLS MAKE THIS FLUFFY AF)"

**Author's Note: **Yes, I'm back after getting another prompt I couldn't resist. Didn't really turn out all that fluffy (at least I don't think so), but I hope you enjoy it nevertheless! Depending on the response, I may or may not continue so if you like it REVIEW! That's the best way for an author to know their work is enjoyed on this site. (It's also motivation for us to keep writing and posting). Anyway, I'll let you get to it. Happy reading! ~Kate

**Mini Note: **Huge thanks to Morgan for both beta-reading and story cover-making. I'm obsessed with it! Thank you to Jennifer for pre-reading as well.

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><p><strong><em>A for Effort<em>**

"Her hair is so blonde it's practically white."

"It's natural, I assure you."

Emma flipped the page of her Physics textbook and tried to focus. Her exam was in three hours and while she wasn't all that worried about failing, she was worried about what kind of damage her fist would do to the face of her best friend's girlfriend.

Well, she was more afraid of what the consequences of doing that would entail.

"It looks fake."

"It's not."

"Then maybe she's greying early."

Emma Swan rolled her eyes and gritted her teeth as she listened to her best friend's girlfriend continue to whisper nasty comments about her.

Milah Evans was gorgeous. She was popular (she had the majority of one of Storybrooke University's only fraternities, Alpha Delta, at her beck and call). She was the Captain of the university's cheerleading squad and while she knew she was beautiful, the five-foot-six brunette also knew how to be a fucking bitch. Unfortunately it didn't faze her boyfriend as he was wrapped around her freshly manicured finger.

"How can you be friends with her? She's so strange."

"Darling," Emma heard him say, "please do me a favor and try to respect my relationship with Emma."

"Relationship? The two of you are not in a relationship. You and _I_ are."

"Friendship then, oi. You know what I mean. I don't question the _whatever-ship_ you have with what's his face."

"What's his face?" she heard Milah laugh. "Killian, he's nowhere near the man you are. You can't possibly tell me you're jealous of Rumpelstiltskin."

She heard Killian make a mock-gagging noise and tried not to laugh, but failed. She bit down on her lip when she heard the sound of a chair dragging against the hardwood floor.

Someone was leaving their chair.

Suddenly she felt two holes being drilled into the back of her head and she muttered a curse. So much for studying.

"Well, look at this: someone who can't mind their own business." Milah walked around Emma's table and sat in the chair in front of it, turning it around and glaring maliciously at her. "Eavesdropping, are we, Emma?"

"Milah." Killian's warning voice sounded from behind her and he walked next to Emma's desk. "Leave her be."

"Leave her be?" Her smile was cruel as she gave Emma a dark look. "Why? She won't give us the same respect; why should we?"

Emma clenched her pencil, feeling it threaten to snap under her grasp, but said nothing. Grabbing her books and not wanting to deal with the evil clone of Barbie's BFF, she stood and tried to step around Killian. He didn't budge and when she looked up at him, one of his eyebrows quirked up. "Now, where do you think you're going?" he smirked.

"Move," she told him softly, pleadingly, hoping he wouldn't embarrass her in front of the Queen of Evil.

They'd been friends for years, and he could read her like an open book – he'd often tell her exactly that and it was why she kept her eyes downcast. She did, however, catch something brief flash in his gaze before it vanished, his jovial demeanor dimming as he seemed to consider her for a moment.

He did as he requested, but not before taking hold of her arm, whispering, "I'll see you tonight, yes?"

Emma's eyes snapped to his just as she heard Milah's disgusted gasp of objection. "I don't think so," she snarled. "Killian, we had very special plans – or have you forgotten?" The sultry turn her voice took made Emma's stomach turn. There was no doubt the plans Milah had for him involved her best friend and linen sheets.

"I need to speak with her," he said, his gaze locked on Emma's.

"You can do it another time," Milah whined. "Our date is more important."

Lip curling in anger, he looked over his shoulder to glare at her. "Some things take precedence…and I've already told you what she means to me – or have you forgotten?" he shot back the same phrase she'd given him.

Eyes widening in surprise, and then angrily flaring, Milah jabbed an accusatory finger in Emma's direction. "You cannot seriously be cancelling on me for this blonde little twit!"

"No," he said softly, lips lifting in a gentle smile as his oceanic eyes found Emma's. "I'm seriously cancelling plans with you for my best friend. It's been much too long since we've last spent any time together. Don't you agree, Swan?"

Butterflies took flight in her belly. She'd never admit aloud to having feelings for Milah's boyfriend, for her best friend, but that didn't mean they didn't exist. They'd been friends for years, and she'd somehow, despite his innate ability to read her, managed to keep him in the dark. If he knew how she truly felt about him, he'd never made it known. And if that was the case, then she really had something special in her friendship with Killian Jones because any other guy? They would have thrown that back in her face.

Killian Jones was not like other guys, though.

Unable to come up with a verbal response, Emma watched as he took her study materials from her grasp, carrying them himself. He winked at her. She both loved and hated that damn wink. It made her weak in the knees and she hated that even more.

"What do you think you're doing?" Milah screeched, prompting an angry whisper of "Silence!" from the librarian as he began walking away from her. "If you go with that little bitch then you and I are through, Killy!"

He frowned, clearly not liking the ultimatum before clenching his jaw.

Emma watched Milah grin, as if winning some unspoken contest. "That's what I thought."

"Jesus Christ," Emma muttered.

Killian looked at Milah, and then to her, and then back to his girlfriend, seeming to weigh the choices that were set in front of him. The fact that Milah was even forcing him to choose made her feel sick.

"If you're honestly making me choose between a girl I've been courting for a month, and the girl who has been by my side for as long as I can remember, Milah, then my apologies…but the choice is an easy one."

With that, Killian placed his hand on the small of Emma's back, and ushered her out of the library that had fallen to an even deader silence at the exchange between the three collegiate students.

"I can't believe you just broke up with her," she muttered in a daze as they walked out of the building and down the library steps. "I feel like shit – I know how into her you were."

He said something, something that sounded like, "The one I'm truly into doesn't bloody know it." She wasn't quite sure though. His chest swelled with his heavy inhale as she waited for his response. He shook his head as they continued to walk, tracing the spine of her book with his index finger and keeping her pencil and notebook firmly placed atop it. "Swan…"

"Jones," she mocked playfully and he gave her a look. She shrugged, shooting him a smile that caused him to do the same.

Their friendship was something she cherished, and knew she always would. Through heartache and abandonment and successes and failures in their young lives, they'd been through it all together. She'd never make the next move, too afraid to risk ruining everything they had. If she had him in her life, if only ever as a best friend, she'd be perfectly fine (though a girl could always dream).

"Don't try to tell me that you didn't dig her."

"I dug her body and she had a nice face with lips that were enjoyable in more ways than just kissing," she could have lived without hearing that part, "…but her heart….bloody hell, Emma, I'm sorry I didn't end it sooner. She was a true nightmare to you, wasn't she?"

She looked ahead, focusing on something off in the distance.

"What happened today wasn't the first time she's treated you like that."

No, it wasn't. Milah had been a bitch to her way before she took her best friend off the market weeks back. For whatever reason, the brunette held a grudge against Emma that was a mile wide and she wasn't sure what she'd done to receive her wrath. Since she'd started her freshman year at SU, Emma Swan had been targeted by the Queen Bee.

"Eh, she wasn't that bad." Emma tried to play it off, but Killian (ever the perceptive one) saw right through it.

"Yes she was," he countered, "and I should have stopped her sooner. I should have paid attention. And I definitely never should have courted her."

Emma smiled at the term he insisted on using for dating. Courting. She knew his family was from Europe (more specifically the UK), but even after all this time, he'd never lost his terminology for certain things. Or his accent. God, his accent.

She shrugged again. "We all make mistakes," she teased and he laughed.

"Aye, that we do," he said just as she saw a classmate of hers approaching. They were nearly to her apartment complex when Neal Cassidy stopped them.

"Tell me you're free tonight," Neal said eagerly and Emma gave him a strange look. "Tell me you've got nothing planned, that you've got no tests to study for, and that you're dying to go to the biggest party of the year."

"Um."

She could say all of that, but all of that would be a lie.

"Come on, Em, Alpha Delta is having a huge blowout tonight – you've gotta go. There's a theme and everything!"

She groaned, but managed to keep her lack of excitement over the idea of spending a night with drunken, hormone-frenzied men off her face. She'd much rather spend the next eight hours at her apartment in her PJs watching Friends episodes on Netflix with Killian.

"Doesn't seem like the lady's all that enticed."

Bless. Killian.

"Doesn't seem like that answer came from her, buddy." Neal glared at Killian before sliding his gaze back to Emma's, and she knew that he wouldn't take the hint unless she flat out told him herself.

"He's right," she said, blowing out a long breath. "I'm not a big partier so you may want to ask someone else." Her eyes lit up as she remembered that her roommate had a crush on him. "Tink would join you, I'm sure. I won't be much fun, but she would be. Just ask her."

He thought about it once before nodding in agreement. "Good thinking, Em. I'll do that, but you should really try to make it out tonight." His gaze not so subtly drifted from her eyes, down her body and lingering at her legs (making her wish she'd worn her favorite pair of jeans instead of yoga pants) before turning around and heading in the opposite direction of them.

"Thank God," she mumbled, vaguely registering Killian's scoff.

Relieved for having escaped what would have been a painful night, Emma continued on to her apartment building when she realized someone wasn't following her anymore.

"Yo." She looked over her shoulder and saw him facing the direction Neal had taken off in. "Hey, what's wrong?" she asked, stepping beside him and noticing how tense he looked. He said nothing, but she could tell something was bothering him. "Killian."

He grunted distractedly, giving her a brief glance before looking away again.

"Talk to me. What's wrong?"

"What is it with people being so inconsiderate?" She shook her head, not understanding when he laughed in disbelief. "You're telling me you didn't notice how he was looking at you?"

"Well, yeah I noticed. He's a guy."

Killian's countenance immediately turned into one of annoyance. "So am I, but you don't see me eyeing you like he was. He looked at you like you were a piece of candy, the sodding bastard. "

_I'm pretty sure you're the only one I'd be okay with doing that. _

"I don't do that." She bit her lip at his words. "Don't look at me like that, Swan, I _don't._" There was a beat before he added, "I'd never."

_I'm well aware, _she thought to herself before lightly slipping her arm through his and trying to get him to follow her. Thankfully he acquiesced and soon she was digging into her pocket for her key to let them into the apartment. She could feel his eyes on her as she slipped the key into the lock.

"I'm allowed in, yeah?" His voice sounded hesitant, which was seriously unlike him and she laughed.

"Of course you are," Emma said as she stepped over the threshold, taking her books from Killian's hands. She quickly walked into the living room and placed them on the coffee table, eager to go into her bedroom and change into her pajamas. She kicked off her shoes, threw her keys on the couch and headed into her bedroom.

"You okay out there," she called out to him, but was met with utter silence as she unbuttoned her blouse and slipped out of it. "Turn on the TV, if you want! You've been here how many times, you don't need to wait for me, I'm just –"

His silence explained as soon as she turned around.

There was Killian, staring at her as though he was a man in the desert who'd finally found shelter.

"Standing here," she said breathlessly before squealing and throwing her arms over her chest. "In my bra! Killian, get out!"

A smile that should have been labeled illegal spread over his face as he murmured, "You look stunning, Swan."

"I'm half-naked."

"And you're one hundred percent beautiful."

He stepped closer, eyes darting back and forth between each of hers and her head started to spin. A delicious burning began in her core – something she never thought would be the result of the way he was looking at her (she never believed he would ever look at her like he was now).

"Emma…"

"Killian?" she whispered as he framed her face in his hands, her heart pounding like a drum inside of her chest. "What are you doing?" There was a tendril of hope hanging tightly on the end of her question.

His gaze continued to search hers and dropped to her lips, her heart leaping as he slowly drew closer to her. "I've no clue," he professed, his voice full of reverence.

After spending years wondering what it would be like to be kissed by her best friend, Emma Swan was finally finding out.

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><p><strong>AN: Thanks for reading, &amp; please review! ~Kate<strong>

***Twitter: _thisismyescape**

***Tumblr: captainodonogorgeous**

***Song I listened to while writing this chapter: Next to Me by Sleeping At Last**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **To say I'm surprised by the response to this story is an understatement. We're picking up right where we left off. Happy reading, and don't forget to hit that review button when you're done! Thank you, Morgan, for beta-reading! You're the best. ~Kate

**Warning:** If you are younger than 17, then you may want to skip this chapter. This took a much smuttier turn than I expected and while it's not ridiculously graphic, it isn't exactly appropriate for young eyes. 'Kay I've done my job – you've been warned! Enjoy!

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><p><em><strong>A for Effort<strong>_

"What are you doing?"

"I've no clue," he confessed, staring at her mouth as if it were a siren calling his name. He was entranced, unable to walk away and barely able to register the fact that two voices were screaming at him. Two voices were screaming at him, but he focused on the one that was a touch louder, the one that said: _Take what you want. She's always been yours. _His lips closed over hers, the action making Emma's breath hitch in her throat.

God, she felt….he couldn't even find the word to describe what kissing her felt like. All he knew was that it had taken far too long for him to find out, and that he _never_ wanted to stop.

He was kissing her.

He backed her against the wall as that one coherent thought continued to echo through his mind.

He was kissing Emma.

_Killian is kissing me._

The thought played continuously in her head, like it was her favorite song that was stuck on repeat, one that she wanted to play on forever.

This wasn't some random guy she had a fleeting crush on. This was Killian. This was her best friend; she was in love with him, and this kiss was only making her fall harder.

As his mouth grew more insistent against hers, working and prying her lips open, Emma wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him closer to her. He groaned as their pelvises were pushed together and he threw his hand against the wall that was cradling her head, moving his mouth from her lips to her neck, pressing quick, hot kisses along the column of her throat. They sent sparks shooting to an area between her legs that had been neglected for way too long.

Emma wasn't a virgin, but she'd always been choice with who she chose to bring to her bed.

And all she could think about now was getting Killian over and into it.

She lowered her hands to his jeans and when they went to unbuckle his belt, she felt him go still. His lips had paused on her skin, and she could feel his hot breaths fanning her neck.

"What are you doing?" he panted.

He asked the last thing she had, right before he'd kissed her. She looked at him with lust-filled eyes. "What's it look like?"

He grabbed her hands and pressed them above her head, threading their fingers together and giving her a wolfish grin. "It _looks_ like you're attempting to get into my pants, love."

"That's _exactly_ what I'm doing."

She made the move to complete her task of ridding him from his jeans, but his fingers locked down on hers, keeping them firmly against the wall. She huffed in protest and he chuckled, though the sound turned strangled when she rocked her hips against his. He choked out, "Bloody _hell_, Emma."

She glanced down to where they were pressed together. "You started this," she whispered with a grin, looking back up at him through her lashes. "Don't you want to finish it?"

Like a rubberband, he snapped, and any previous reservations he had about doing this with her vanished.

"You've no idea," he growled, reaching for her legs and easily wrapping them around his waist, carrying her over to her bed and following her down to the mattress. Their hands found each other for the second time, tangling together above Emma's head as Killian's mouth crashed against hers. He rolled his hips down and into hers, causing Emma to release a whimper.

"I want you," she said, her voice a mere whisper as her gaze met with his. She caught something entirely new in his eyes. They were bluer than she'd ever seen them, and her mouth nearly fell open at the desire swirling in their shining depths.

His forehead rested against hers and he whispered, "I've always wondered what it would be like to hear you say that."

"Well, I'm saying it." She smiled and squeezed his hands. "I want you, Killian…please." Watching his Adam's apple bob up and down with a nod, she felt the pressure he had on her hands release. One of his had ducked between their bodies to rid her of her yoga pants, slipping them down her thighs and revealing her lacy, navy blue thong.

His eyes fell closed with a sigh, and he let out another chuckle as he slid further down so that his head was near her stomach.

"What?" She felt self-conscious now. Here she was in her bra and panties and he was still fully clothed – and laughing at her! "What?" she asked again, louder, her cheeks burning furiously.

"Nothing, Emma," he said softly, pressing a calming kiss to her thigh. That simple gesture had an impact that was the farthest thing from what he had meant it to be.

"Then why are you laughing at me, jackass?"

"I'm not laughing at you," he said. "I'm laughing at the situation."

"Yeah," she glared, "because it's so hilarious, right?"

"We've gone from zero to sixty in the blink of an eye," he murmured, trailing his fingers along the fabric of her barely-there panties. "You're not questioning it in the slightest bit?"

"No," she said instantly. She raised herself up on her elbows so that she could better look at him. "No, I'm not."

"Why?" The knowing look in his eyes told her he didn't really need the answer, he already knew it, but she gave it to him anyway.

"Because." She repositioned herself so that she was now on her knees and nose-to-nose with him. "Out of all the people who could be here with me right now, you're the only one that I trust completely. I trust you, this… I trust _us_. You said it yourself, you've been wondering…I've always wondered too. What it would be like for us if we ever…" she bit her lip, and closed her eyes before she felt his fingers gently take hold of her chin.

"I only want you to be sure," he said to her. "I've spent ages thinking about the next level with you, but never man enough to actually do it…until now." His tongue snuck out to lick along his lower lip and she found herself inexplicably drawn to it. She'd never been a tongue girl, but she wanted to know what his would feel like…everywhere on her body. "I don't think I have the patience, or the ability, to wait anymore, Emma."

"I don't think I do, either," she said and then a thought that had been poking at her voiced itself. "But what if doing this…what if it ruins everything and it all falls apart? What if we fall apart?"

"What if we do? What if we ruin the connection we've had since we were in the sandbox?"

Her eyes widened at his questions, realizing he had doubts about going through with it, too. Before she could put a halt to it, he soothed her with his next words. "But, love, what if we grow closer? What if it all falls together? What if every moment we've ever shared has led us to this very moment?" He gave her the warm, beautiful smile that had always made her weak in the knees. "The what-ifs can drive a person mad, but only if you let them." He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'd never hurt you, Emma. Never. And I'm asking you to take a chance on me…on us."

"I can't lose you," she said in a quiet, shaky voice. She hated how weak she sounded, but this was Killian. "I can't."

"You won't," he promised, never losing his smile. "Even if we should crash and burn, love, I can promise you I will not disappear." He smirked at her, cupping her face in his hands in the one way he knew would calm her down. "You're stuck with me, darling."

As soon as that sentence left his lips, he kissed her again, lowering her down to the bed sheets for the second time. He kissed her along her collarbone, in between the valley of her breasts, brushing his lips against the padding of her bra. "You are ridiculously beautiful."

"And you are ridiculously clothed," she joked breathlessly, trying to force the heat in her cheeks away that had risen at his compliment. He'd complimented her before, but never so intimately. She pressed a hand to his back, wrapping her legs around his jeans-clad ass. "It's not fair."

"My apologies," he moaned when she rubbed herself against him. "I'll rectify that now." His hands went to the zipper of his jeans and he lowered it down, finally freeing himself.

"Oh my God," she gasped and he grinned, clearly pleased with her response to his size. "There is no way that thing's going to fit!"

"Oh, I'm sure this _thing_ won't be a problem."

He began unbuttoning his shirt, slipping it off and bending down to kiss her square on the mouth. He slipped his hand in between them, pushing the fabric of her thong to the side and gently pushing his middle finger inside, rubbing his thumb over the pearl nestled in between her legs

"Killian," she groaned, as he pressed harder. "What…I can't…"

"If I enter you too soon, this _thing_ is going to hurt." His brow jumped in challenge as he teased her in more than one way. "Unless you'd like this to be painful. I'm not exactly the kinky type, but for you I suppose I could give it a try."

She rolled her eyes, but they rolled farther back into her head when his finger brushed up against a special spot inside her – one that no other man had ever succeeded in finding. "God…"

"Killian works just fine, love," he said gruffly, "Bloody hell, you're so tight."

"Don't stop," she begged when he worked a tighter circle into her clit. "Please, don't stop! Oh…_fuck,_ Killian!"

Two more circles grinding into her bundle of nerves was all that it took for her to reach release, his motions sending her into an earth-shattering orgasm. One of her hands fisted the sheets while the other wrapped around his neck so she could kiss him through her climax, thankful that he knew to keep pleasuring her all the way until the wonderful throbbing ebbed.

"You…I…" she gasped, as she finally started coming down. "I mean…_what?"_

He laughed outright, kissing her on the forehead before easing himself between her legs. "You're protected, aren't you?"

"IUD," she managed to say.

"Good."

In he slid, her muscles instantly contracting around him. It made his forehead drop onto hers and he began pumping himself in and out of her. "You feel bloody amazing."

"Ditto." She licked her lips, swallowing thickly. "Keep going."

When he felt her start to pulse around him, he knew she was almost there. Feeling his own release nearing, he needed to bring her to another climax before he could allow himself his.

"Open your eyes, Emma," he demanded, his voice rough. "I want you to look at me when you come."

Her eyes flew open and as soon as he reached in between them and thumbed her, a pleasure-filled cry filled the room. If it wasn't for his hand, it would have been those final words that sent her over the edge. Her second orgasm of the night was the green light he needed to chase his release. Seconds later, he followed her over with a shout of her name, collapsing on top of her as soon as the final waves passed. Swiftly, he rolled off of her and pulled her limp, satisfied body against his chest.

"That," she panted heavily, "was insane."

Grinning, he also gasped for air. He managed to say, "I'm glad you're pleased."

"Pleased?" she looked up at him, resting her hand on his naked chest. "You…Killian, you made me come. Twice."

He gave her a smirk and cocked an eyebrow. "I take it that's never happened for you before?"

"No." She shook her head. "Never more than once. That was incredible."

"Bonus points for me, then?"

"Absolutely."

He laughed, his grin widening at her answering smile. "Aye, well I have to admit you also know how to pleasure a partner. Quite well, in fact." His fingers were tracing lines up and down her sweat-slicked spine and giving her delicious chills. She buried her face into his chest, and he felt the heat radiating from her cheeks. "Swan, don't be embarrassed," he chuckled. "I meant that as a compliment."

"I didn't do much," she mumbled against his skin, refusing to look at him. "I just stood there."

"Actually, if you recall, darling – you were lying on your back." She swatted at his arm as he added a cheeky, "the way I prefer it."

A few minutes passed before he sighed, feeling her racing heart beginning to slow. When he'd followed Emma to her apartment an hour ago, he'd no idea this would be how they were going to spend their time together. He didn't regret anything he'd said to her or had done with her and he definitely didn't want to think about her regrets, if she had them. His mind was swirling with possibilities, and out of the thousands that were crossing his mind, very few of them were negative.

Killian had his best friend in his arms, and he loved her.

She snuggled closer to him then, and he contentedly continued to stroke her back until sleep finally claimed her.

_I didn't do much,_ she had said.

"You didn't have to do anything." He spoke quietly so as not to wake her up and he pressed his lips against her damp hair. "My response to you, Emma…it was simply you. And now that I know what it's like to be with you… I'll not do a thing to mess it up."

He heard his phone start buzzing a beat later and he realized his jeans were on the other side of the room, having tossed them haphazardly in the heat of the moment. He doubted it was important. Though, something nagged at him to go check it, so, quite carefully, he shifted out from underneath Emma and silently climbed out of bed.

He grabbed his phone and swiped at the screen and read the incoming text message. What he read was enough to make his blood boil:

**When you're finished with the little twit, you know where to find me. ;) See you soon. XO.**

Included with the photo was a very naked picture of his ex-girlfriend, and she was spread into a very provocative pose.

He scoffed and exited out of the conversation, not even bothering to reply as he tossed his phone back onto the pile that was his discarded jeans.

And why would he reply?

Exes were called exes for a reason. One exed them off their list to cross them out of one's life and future. It had taken him much too long to see the true poison Milah had been in his life, even if it was for such a short time. She'd made Emma feel like dirt countless times, but he'd been too warped and _whipped_ to see it, or to do anything once he had. Milah, however, had made the wrong choice by insulting his best friend to his face. He could stand it no longer, and that was when he'd finally cut Milah out.

Suddenly feeling the need to be closer to Emma, he crept back over to her, sitting beside her and brushing the hair that had fallen in front of her face. He smiled when she unconsciously shifted closer to him and he swallowed hard, his heart suddenly bursting with love, and with surprising force.

How could he have been so blind?

She'd been right there, in front of him, all along. It had taken something truly pitiful for him to finally realize it, but when it finally happened it was like someone had flipped the proverbial switch in his brain – the one that said, "this is what you've been missing all these years, you sodding idiot."

And now that he had finally realized what he had, with Emma, he wasn't ever letting it go.

He wasn't ever letting her go.

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><p><strong>AN:<strong> Well, there we have it: the second chapter! What did we think? ~Kate

***Twitter: _thisismyescape**

***Tumblr: captainodonogorgeous**

***Song I listened to while writing this chapter: Woodwork by Sleeping At Last**


	3. Chapter 3

**Y'all seriously rock. Thanks to Morgan for her speedy beta and for those who continue to review. It means the world and I'm so glad y'all are enjoying "A for Effort" so far! Here's Chapter 3. ~Kate**

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><p><em><strong>A for Effort<strong>_

_Three weeks later…_

Killian wasn't able to keep his eyes off her.

He'd long since completed their Physics exam (it was their third exam in less than a month – they're professor was ridiculous). Unlike him, however, she was still working hard. Zeroed in and completely focused.

Understandably.

He'd always worked hard to maintain semi-decent grades, but Emma took her grades quite seriously. And this test was one she'd spent hours studying for. It was their final exam of the year, and he knew that as soon as it was over, they'd have the entirety of the summer to themselves. But for now, she was focusing and chewing on her pencil so much he wondered how it hadn't already snapped in half.

But God, she was beautiful. The way her lip tucked in between her teeth, showing the effort of her concentration and the way her nose scrunched when she decided she chose an answer that couldn't have been the right one – effectively taking the opposite end of her pencil to fix her mistake.

Their professor, Regina Mills, was a tough one. She insisted upon her tests being the old-fashioned kind: multiple-choice followed by a string of essays. Easy enough, but she was very clever in wording her questions. If you weren't one hundred percent on the answer, even if you had gone into the question confidently, then it was easy to pick the wrong one.

Killian had completed his exam nearly ten minutes beforehand, pretending to check over his answers whenever he felt Professor Mills set her eyes on him. That was a strict rule she maintained in the classroom: Those who complete their final must vacate the room. No exceptions.

However when he felt another pair of eyes on him his jaw clenched. Those eyes were not his professor's and they were not Emma's, and his muscles tensed.

Milah.

She'd continued with her attempts at luring him back into her grasp, and though many weeks had passed without his ever responding, she didn't seem to take the hint. Well, it was either that or she was simply refusing to.

A paper rustled to his right and without having looking up, he knew.

He did so anyway. Emma. She was standing and walking over to the desk, turning in her Physics test before following Professor Mills' rule and leaving the classroom. He grabbed his paper and went to stand, but a hand on his left moved to stop him.

"What?" he hissed quietly.

"Did you get my text, Killy? There's a party tonight, at Delta Zeta," she whispered. "You should go."

"Not likely."

"What, you don't care to be my plus-one?"

"Not even if my life depended on it," he responded, his voice clipped. "Now, if you'll excuse me." He got up without waiting for her answer, handed in his test and exited Room 208A.

As soon as the door shut behind him, he was grabbed and pushed up against the wall.

"Happy first day of summer, Jones," Emma grinned, her eyes sparkling with happiness and anticipation over what was to take place in the coming months.

All thoughts of Milah had vanished with her smile and he returned it. "Happy first day of summer, Swan."

"That thing was brutal, I'll be shocked if I get a B."

"You did swimmingly, I'm sure."

She huffed out a breath,"God, I hope s –"

"Killy!"

Both Killan and Emma grimaced, and he linked their fingers together as if he was preparing themselves for whatever it was that was about to take place.

"You have to go, and I'm not taking no for an answer!" Milah grinned as she approached, not even fazed by his previous declination. She skidded to a stop in front of them before frowning slightly at Emma. When her gaze snapped back to Killian, the disapproving look disappeared.

"Go where?" Emma asked and he looked over at her to see her smiling a little too brightly. His face fell. "What did I miss?"

"You missed nothing."

"There's a party tonight. At Delta Zeta," Milah replied, "You're not invited."

"Well, if you want me in attendance then you'll change your mind." Killian raised his brows in challenge.

"Are you saying you'll go?"

"I'm saying she goes where I go."

Milah glared and Killian nearly told her to bugger off. But, thankfully, she seemed to finally relent. She groaned. "Fine. _She _may go, too. I suppose."

Emma shrugged, looking down at her sneakers before lifting her gaze again. "I don't have to."

"Nonsense, love, you'll join me tonight." He leaned close and whispered in her ear, "I won't be able to enjoy myself if you aren't there."

"Can't wait to see you tonight," Milah winked at him before her lips formed a tight line. "Both of you."

His upper lip twitched. "Your politeness knows no bounds." As soon as the words left his lips the brunette all but bounced off and Emma pulled out of his hold, crossing her arms and looking at him crossly.

"Emma?"

"I don't think I'm gonna go tonight."

"I won't leave you alone with her."

"That's not what I'm worried about. You didn't even tell me about it until she ambushed you just now. Besides with the awkwardness…the high tensions between the three of us…it's just not worth it."

Emma was right. He knew this. It wasn't worth the hassle of fighting off his ex-girlfriend, placating his present one, and trying to juggle them both. She didn't hold a candle to Emma, and while something told him that they'd be better off not going, he refused to let Milah ruin this day for them.

He voiced that exact thing to her. "You can't let her ruin your day, Swan, you said it yourself – it's the first day of summer…"

"Actually," she cut in with a small smile, "that's technically tomorrow. It just feels like the first day of summer because it's barely noon and we're already done for the day. And you don't have to try to convince me. I'll go. I just like knowing you want me there as much as I want to be there with you."

"Oh," he grinned, stepping closer, hooking his thumbs in the loops of her jeans and pulling her against him. Neither of them realized there were other students beginning to exit the classroom and they were no longer alone. "I love knowing you're envious…but you've no reason to be."

"Envi…wait, you think I'm jealous?" she laughed outright, tugging at his shirt. "Not quite. But it's nice to know I don't need to be just the same."

"Then come with me tonight." He jutted out his lower lip and she shook her head at him with a smile. That smile lit him up inside and it nearly took him out at the knees. "Please? I'll beg you if necessary."

"Mmmm, I don't know. I think I'd like to see that."

"My begging?" He lifted his hand to her hair, stroking it lovingly before twirling a golden lock around his finger. Her hair was like silk and he'd be entirely content spending the rest of the day playing with it. "You had me begging last night, Swan. Are you really going to make a man –"

"You offered," she shrugged, biting her lip and driving him crazy. She turned around to walk out the door. "I'm just saying…"

He scoffed at her, throwing an arm around her shoulder as they left the science building. Their hands were still tangled and Emma rested the side of her head against his shoulder. Killian looked up at the sky. "It's like the weather is celebrating with us."

There wasn't a cloud for miles and the air was deliciously warm. She sighed contentedly, closing her eyes. Enoying the sunshine and the breeze that brushed her skin as they continued to walk, she thought it was the definition of a perfect summer day. And they had the rest of the season to enjoy it now that the semester was over.

"Are you staying on campus?" she heard him ask and she squeezed his waist.

They hadn't talked about what they were going to do once the semester came to an end. Emma had received a phone call the day before from her dad telling her he missed her and wanted her to visit, that he had something to tell her. David Nolan was her adoptive father. Her birth mother was some drug addict that had chosen to get high over taking responsibility for her, and her biological father didn't care enough to raise her on his own.

The sperm donor had done something for her though – he'd dropped her off at a nearby orphanage a few days after she was born. He didn't know it at the time, but by doing that the man had brought Emma and David together. She was under his care for all of three hours before David filed the paperwork to adopt her. He'd been her father ever since.

"Emma?"

"Dad called me yesterday. Said he misses me."

"Of course he does," Killian grinned at her. "You're quite miss…able." She laughed and he did, too. "I know that isn't a word, but I don't much care. It's true."

"You should come with me."

"But what about –"

"He'll get over it."

They hadn't told her father about their new relationship with each other. The two had met in elementary school in Ms. Johanna's second grade class. They'd become fast friends and ever since, Killian had been like a second son to David. She wasn't sure how he'd take the news, but could only hope whatever reaction garnered from it wasn't too catastrophic.

"I'll miss you then," he said softly. She could see the disappointment in his eyes and she shook her head.

"I told him I'd see him, but I also told him I had something to tell him. Since you're that something, you're coming with me, Jones."

"He won't approve of our sharing a bedroom."

"Like I said, he'll get over it." She shrugged. "And apparently he has something to tell me, too, and I'll feel better that you're there in case I don't like what it is."

"I'll be right by your side, Emma." He opened the door for her as they walked into her apartment complex. She smiled at him and he held out his hand for her to take as they made their way down the hall.

Before they could make it into her apartment they heard a loud squeal of giggles on the opposite side of the hall and she rolled her eyes. "I really need to look into getting my own place." Killian went to speak and she added with a pointed look, "with way thicker walls." She blushed as something suddenly registered with her. "Oh, my God." She covered her face with her hands, feeling her cheeks were unbelievably hot to the touch. "Everyone's heard us. They had to have heard us. I'm not exactly quite when we…when you..."

Kilian reached behind her to open the door and gently pushed her through the threshold. "When I…what, love?" he smirked, curling a hand behind her neck and bringing her mouth to his in a kiss. He kicked the door shut and their lips brushed against each other as he spoke. "Shall I get something to silence you now, or do you think you can be _quiet_?"

"What about the party?" she asked breathily, taking steps away from him. She felt her heart race in the way it always did when he acted like this.

"That's not for hours yet."

He was slowly moving towards her and he reminded her of an animal stalking its prey.

"I have to shower, though…and get ready and I –" he crushed his mouth against hers, silencing her and eliciting a small moan from her lips. When he pulled away, they were equally breathless.

"Will have to go the party with wet hair," he said, completing her sentence for her before carrying her off to her bedroom.

* * *

><p>Doing exactly as Killian had predicted, Emma had to resort to using scrunching gel as her hairstyling method, because by the time they were finished, the party had already started. Luckily they wouldn't be the last ones there (it was a Friday night and the night was still young), though they definitely weren't going to be the first.<p>

Music bumped from the inside of the fraternity house as Alpha Delta was hosting again. There were people playing beer pong in the front yard, volleyball on the other side and a conga line of drunken fools were dancing around the perimeter of the house. The party was already lively, but it wasn't anything too out of control.

"Ready?" Emma asked, and he nodded at her, keeping a hand on the small of her back as she entered the house.

Almost instantly, she was hit on – much to Killian's chagrin.

"Hey, sexy." A shorter, goofier looking boy hiccupped. Obviously a freshman, and obviously intoxicated. "You come here alone?" Killian chuckled as Emma politely removed his hand from her shoulder.

"I didn't, actually. I came here with my boyfriend."

Killian's eyebrow cocked upwards. "Nice to meet you, lad."

"Uh-huh," he frowned, and at first Killian thought it was because he was disappointed Emma was taken, but then he hurled in front of them. Killian had to shove Emma out of the way before she was drenched. "Ugh," he groaned before walking away. "Sorry."

"You alright?"

"Yeah," Emma grimaced and gave his arm a squeeze. "That was close. Thanks for the save."

Before Killian could tell her to not think anything of it, Milah was in front of them. How she managed to know the exact time of their arrival, he didn't know. Emma tensed as Milah's eyes briefly fell on her before finding him again. "I think you and I need to have a little chat."

"Thank you for the invitation here, Milah, but there's nothing left for us to discuss."

"Emma?" Milah cocked her head. "You don't mind if I steal him away for a short moment, do you? I promise we'll be quick."

Killian didn't like her word choice. He didn't like it at all.

"Um…"

"No." Killian wrapped his arm around Emma's waist. "I told her I'd stay with her tonight. She doesn't know anyone here."

"Oh, that's not true!" Milah pulled out her phone and sent a text before slipping it back into her bra. Emma made a face and she shrugged. "I need my phone. It was either this or my shoe, and they are way too small to even _attempt _to shove a cell phone in there."

A few painfully awkward seconds later, Neal came into view. He jogged over and gave a halfhearted wave. "Hey, guys." He looked at Killian emotionlessly and then to Emma, with an obvious change of attitude. He lit up. Better people could have shown up, but Killian had to admit, he didn't entirely hate the fact that it was someone who had a crush on his girlfriend. It meant Neal would keep her company for the duration of Killian's talk with Milah.

"I'll be right back," he whispered in Emma's ear. "This won't take long. See you later, mate." He nodded to Neal who returned the gesture. Milah squealed and he somehow found it in him to keep from rolling his eyes. This wouldn't take long at all.

"What did you want to talk about so bad that it couldn't wait until tomorrow? Or, perhaps, indefinitely?"

Milah smiled. It was genuine. That very smile was how she'd drawn him in back when they'd first started dating, before she meant Emma, and before she learned the role Emma held in his life. Milah had been nothing but sweet before that. She'd been playfully mischievous, and kind. It all changed, obviously, with her cruel ultimatum, and he was better off for it.

He had Emma now.

"I was thinking," Milah started, "about what you said to me when you broke up with me a few weeks back, and I realized something."

This ought to be good, he thought. "Pray tell."

"I was wrong to make you choose between Emma and me." She approached him and he clenched his jaw. "You were right, we hadn't been together long enough for me to start making demands like that." She rested her hands on his chest and he removed them.

"It wouldn't have mattered how long you and I had been together, Milah, because one shouldn't make demands like that at all – if you love someone, you love all of them. Friends included."

"The two of you were awfully quick to get into it, though." She gave him puppy eyes and an overly dramatic pout. "Did I mean nothing to you? You couldn't even mourn me?"

"You aren't dead, and I was in lust. I was blinded by your beauty, Milah, and who I thought you were as a person. I was severely mistaken on the latter." He backed away from her, but she walked closer to him still. "Stop it."

"Stop what?" she asked innocently. "I'm simply trying to have a conversation with you, but you keep retreating."

"Because you keep trying to put your hands on me."

"You know what they say," she smiled brightly. "Persistence is a virtue."

"I believe the key word in that phrase, darling, is _patience_."

"Same difference," she said before throwing her arms around his neck and crushing her mouth to his just as the door flew open with a resounding _bang_.

Killian froze for a split second, before his brain kicked into gear. He looked over and found Emma staring at them with a stricken expression. Before he could pry himself away from Milah, she bolted.

"Emma!"

Milah's hold on him tightened, "It's about time she found out the truth about us."

"Are you daft?" he yelled. "There is no truth and there is most definitely no _us_!"

"Oh, but I'm sure she knows about our sexts."

"Correction: _your_ sexts. I've never once replied and I've never shown them to her."

Milah grinned triumphantly. "You've never deleted them either, have you?"

His jaw locked. "She trusts me."

"But you've kept them."

"I closed out of them all."

"But you've kept them," she pressed. "My, my, Killy, you dirty boy. What exactly do you do with those pictures I've sent? And what do you do when your precious little twit isn't around?"

"Oh, my God."

Killian's heart skidded to a halt before proceeding to race like a stallion in the Kentucky Derby. His eyes snapped to Emma, who was once again standing in the doorway with tears streaming down her face.

"Emma."

"I came back to give you a chance to explain," her voice cracked on the last word. "You have pictures of her?"

He shook his head, "I –"

"Oh, you poor thing." Milah laughed as she stared at Emma. "You look like a child who's been told he can't have the last piece of chocolate cake."

Emma glared. "Have fun with him," she said, keeping her eyes locked on him. "I'm done."

"No. Emma, wait!" Killian chased after her, and this time Milah didn't bother to stop him. He rushed out into the hallway, and saw her whip around the corner. She was jogging down the stairs and he was soon hot on her heels. "Swan!"

"OH!" she snarled once she reached the ground level, whirling around on him and jabbing him in the chest. "I cannot believe you've kept naked pictures of her on your phone!"

"I never said –"

"So they're not naked pics?"

"Well, they _are_," he grimaced, "but…"

"But nothing. You should have ended it with me if you found yourself getting…bored." She cradled her stomach and shook her head more to herself than at him. "I need to get out of here."

"I wasn't bored," he snarled, a mix of anger and hurt that she'd even let that cross her mind. "And you're not going anywhere by yourself. This place is crawling with single, drunken morons looking to get into bed with the first woman they cross." He swore under his breath. "Emma…"

"No," she smacked him away when he tried to take her arm. "I told you, I'm done. We're done."

She quickly disappeared among the crowd of students celebrating the end of their semester, though he felt like they were celebrating the end of something much, much closer to his heart.

* * *

><p>Emma had her knees pulled up to her chest, her arms wrapped around her shins as she watched her classmates, and even classmates she hadn't met, swimming in the pool. They were throwing a beach ball around and laughing. It was quieter now that the party had died down somewhat, and she was glad that she had stuck it out instead of heading back to her apartment. It would've been the first place Killian thought to look for her.<p>

"Hey."

She glanced up to see Neal taking a seat beside her on the porch's top step. "Thought you could use another." He handed her a red solo cup and one sniff told her it was anything but soda. "This one will definitely make you relax." She nodded and took a sip before coughing. "Sorry," he said. "It's strong, but it'll get better."

She took another sip, and rested her elbows on her knees while holding onto the cup. "You sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"Positive."

"Okay. Then take another sip."

"You spike my drink, or something?" She looked into the contents of her drink and asked, "What is this anyway?"

"Don't worry," he told her. "It's just something that'll take the edge off."

"You said that already," she smiled and he did the same. "I really am sorry you have to coddle me on your first night of freedom."

"I don't do anything I don't want to do." He took a glance at her cup and he seemed to grin bigger. "Looks like you could use another drink, you downed that one fast. I'll be right back."

A minute or two had passed before Emma nodded to herself. Neal was right. She felt better and definitely more relaxed, barely able to remember what had happened to make her even start drinking. She thought she was finally ready to make her way back home, but when she stood, the world around her spun.

"Easy," another voice called and her gaze landed on another brunette. This one had warm, blue eyes that were staring at her with concern. It looked like Graham Humbert, a classmate from one of her Humanities classes. At least she thought that's who it was. She couldn't tell for certain because he wouldn't stay still long enough for her to find out. She swayed again, and he caught her by the elbow. "You okay?"

"I don't know," she mumbled, gripping onto him in an effort to stay standing. "I, um…I feel funny."

Neal came back but Graham barred him from getting too close. "Stay away from her, Cassidy."

"What are you talkin' about, man?" he laughed. "I just went to get her another drink."

"Well, she's had enough, and I'd be willing to put money on the fact that you laced the last one."

"How can I spike the thing when it's in her hands."

Graham's jaw worked underneath his skin before he growled, "Get out of here before I call the cops."

"You don't own the place!" Neal shouted before dropping his voice to a harsh whisper. "And I didn't spike her fucking drink, she's just a lightweight."

But he left soon after and then Graham grabbed Emma, forcing her to sit back down.

"Was actin weird," she slurred.

"What?" he asked worriedly, taking her face in his hands. Her eyes were glazed over and her head lolled in his hands. "Emma, focus. Say it again."

"M-my drink. And he was…being s'weird.."

"Yeah well, he's gone now." He could tell she looked about ready to pass out. She couldn't fall asleep if there were in fact drugs in her system. She could have just been drunk, but he wouldn't put it past Neal to slip her something. He pulled out his phone and texted a buddy of his. He'd be able to help.

Her eyelids drooped and he gave her a sharp shake. "I need you to stay awake. Don't fall asleep."

"S'tired," she whined, her head falling forward before lifting it. She moaned as if her head weighed a hundred pounds. She saw the phone in his hands and frowned. "Hate phones."

He was confused by the statement but thankfully she was talking and making observations. You had to be conscious to do that. "And why is that?"

"You can pext."

"Pext?" he laughed.

She had to work extra hard to sound coherent as she explained, "Picture text." She groaned and a tear slipped down her cheek. "Hate phones…Killian pexted an evilitch…" He had no idea what an evilitch was, but he figured it was someone her boyfriend should _not_ have been _pexting_. Gritting his teeth, he stood, lifting Emma into his arms and carrying her upstairs.

He hated being a brother at the Alpha Delta fraternity because of the shit that usually went down, but what else was he supposed to do? He was a legacy. His father was an AD brother, and he needed to follow in his footsteps if he wanted to have his full ride.

Closing the door behind him, he brought Emma over to his bed and sat her on it, making sure she didn't lay down. If her head hit the pillow, he knew he'd lose her to sleep, and again, they needed to figure out what exactly had happened.

Not ten minutes later did someone start pounding on his door, demanding to see Emma and for them to let him in.

* * *

><p><strong>Third chapter: complete! Sorry for the cliffhanger, but I do so love them. What did we think? ~Kate<strong>

***Twitter: _thisismyescape**

***Tumblr: captainodonogorgeous**

***Song I listened to while writing this chapter: Quicksand by Sleeping At Last **


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Yeah, Killian messed up. But he's a guy and guys are idiots. Don't worry though, I'm a sucker for happy endings so they'll eventually get theirs, but not without a little angst...which starts now. ;)**

**I know a lot of you are wondering who is on the other side of that door, so I'm going to thank you for reading, thank my fabulous beta Morgan, and let you get to it! ~Kate**

**P.S. THREE SUNDAYS UNTIL ONCE IS BACK (hallelujah).**

* * *

><p><em><strong>A for Effort<strong>_

"Yo!" A voice from the other side of Graham's bedroom door made her jump. "It's me, let me in!"

Graham moved to do so but Emma grabbed his arm. "Help me up," she mumbled.

"Are you okay to stand?"

"Have to be, bed's too comfortable." She blinked twice, trying her damnedest to concentrate and to sound coherent. "And I needa stay awake, right?"

"Right."

Graham shouted for his friend to be patient and then slipped his arm underneath Emma's, allowing her to use him as a brace until she was able to grab onto the footboard and support herself. He eyed her for a minute before answering the door, revealing the person who would know how to help his classmate.

"What took you so long?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" The tall, dark-haired man looked down at his watch. "Made it in record time." He gave a wide grin. "Seven minutes." His eyes slipped over Graham's shoulder before landing on Emma before his smile slipped from his face. "You weren't kidding," he said, brushing past him in order to get to her. "How you feeling, Emma?"

She grimaced with a shake of her head. "Not so good."

"I can tell. Graham, how long has she been like this?"

He shrugged. "I got her away from Neal as soon as I realized she might have been drugged."

"Drugged." Emma blinked. "Isn't that just my luck? We can figure it out later though." She made a face and let out a slow breath. "I feel like I'm gonna be sick."

"You got anything she can use?"

Graham grabbed a trashcan from underneath his computer desk and handed it to her. "Just in case."

"Thanks."

"Did you come here alone?" the strange (but handsome) guy asked her.

"No, I didn't." An image of a guilt-stricken Killian flashed in her head, but briefly. A vicious wave of vertigo dispelled it. "I was alone by the end of the night though."

Graham spoke up. "Think she had a fight with Jones," he told his friend. "She was on the back porch when I found her."

"What an idiot."

"Hey," she snapped, but it didn't have much of a bite because of how slurred it came out.

Dammit.

"Sorry, but the guy's a moron– for leaving you alone at a frat house." He backed away and pulled out his phone. "Well, it seems like it's wearing off," he said, tapping at the screen. "Listen, I think she'll be fine. She might have been given too much to drink –"

"I can hold my liquor –"

"Or she could have been given Rohypnol. Let her sleep it off." He gestured to the can in her arms. "Keep that close by though, sugar. You may need it."

She didn't doubt it. Emma nodded and gripped it tighter to her rolling stomach. "I've got your boy toy's number. Do you want me to tell him where you are?"

"No!" she shouted, surprising herself with how crisp the word sounded.

She'd been willing herself sober, or at least she'd been trying to. While she still felt overwhelmingly dizzy and sick to her stomach, she no longer felt out of control. It had been the strangest sensation, watching your arms and head move, but feeling like something else was doing it for you.

"N-no…I feel like death, and he'll wanna take me with him. I just – I don't wanna be anywhere near him."

He nodded once and then glanced at Graham. "Watch her. I'll let myself out and then text you with whether or not Neal is still here."

"Thanks for the heads up."

"Not a problem." The man then winked at Emma and then said with a small wagging of his index finger, "No more solo partying. You're lucky you were just drugged and not abducted. Unfortunately, it happens more than you think. Take care of yourself." She let out a heavy breath and nodded as he walked out the door.

A few minutes later Graham got a text saying Neal was nowhere in sight, and she felt the tension that had been locked in her shoulders bleed away. A combination of both relief and nausea washed over her as she sat on the edge of her friend's bed.

"He was nice," she managed to say through her watering mouth, swallowing back bile. She really hated being sick, and definitely wasn't feeling like putting it on display. "What's his name?"

"Jefferson King." Graham walked over to his desk, pulled open a drawer and rifled through it before pulling out a small box. "Good guy. I've known him since freshmen year in Lit class."

"What major?"

"Take a guess. Considering he's a pharmacist now….which is why I called him here. Knew he'd know what to do." He eyed her. "Sleep if you want."

"Don't want," she grumbled. "Don't wanna sleep."

"I don't blame you, but you should probably try to anyway." He sat next to her, far enough away so that she didn't feel unsettled by it. He revealed her phone to her. "Don't be mad, but I checked your phone. Killian has been trying to contact you. Are you sure you don't want him to know you're here?"

"He's the reason I'm here in the first place." She regretted the words as soon as she said them, knowing how her friend – his friend – would read into them. "I didn't wanna come, but he insisted."

"It'll wreck him if he knew what almost happened and he didn't know about it."

"Then he shouldn't have been fucking around behind my back." The words tumbled out again, carelessly, venomously, but she couldn't help herself. Killian had been her best friend before this and not only had he screwed up their relationship, his betrayal had ruined their friendship. The relationship stung, but the friendship hurt worse. She didn't hate him; she never could. But she was pissed regardless.

Graham's eyes went wide at her retort. "With who?"

"Milah Evans, ex."

"Emma, they weren't together long but I can tell you that even during that time he never once looked at her like he looks at you."

"Then why are there still nudes of her on his phone?" She was met with silence, but when he did finally open his mouth, so did she, only to vomit into the trashcan that Jefferson knew she was going to end up needing.

Graham rubbed circles into her back as she retched again. It felt good to relieve herself of the drugs and alcohol.

If only the memories of the evening were as easy to get rid of.

"I don't know," he said. "He's crazy about you so keeping photos of an ex makes zero sense, but maybe he just forgot. Or he really didn't think it was that big of a deal. Did he respond to them?"

She shook her head and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, resting her forehead on the rim of the can. "He says he didn't, but I don't know what to believe."

"Has he ever given you reason to doubt him before?"

"No." It was why it hurt so much. Killian was the one person she could always trust, the one who made her feel safe, protected, and cherished. She felt none of those things with him tonight.

"Then you should make the attempt to believe him, Emma." He took the trashcan from her and set it on the ground. "Lay down and try to get some rest. Jefferson said it was okay if you slept."

She wanted to, she really did. But it was easier said than done. She nodded a little before scooting up his bed and crawling under the covers. As soon as her head hit the pillow, sleep sang out to her. "Graham," she mumbled and he raised his brows in response. "Thank you."

* * *

><p>"Emma?" an accented voice softly called. The lilt that had once made her heart melt, now made it twist in her chest. "Emma, love, wake up."<p>

Forcing her eyes open, she found two Killians in her frame of focus before they eventually blurred into one. She let them slip shut again when her brain began throbbing inside her skull. She grunted and she felt the matress dip beside her.

"How are you feeling?"

She peeked up at him and glared. "Like someone took a bat to the side of my head."

"Oh, Emma," he replied with a wince. "I am so sorr–"

"Don't." She didn't want to hear his apologies. She was in enough pain without factoring her heart into the equation. She frowned, burying her face deeper into her pillow. "I don't want to talk to you."

"Pity, because you don't have much of a choice given the circumstance. What were you thinking?"

Really? He'd been the one to mess up last night and he'd come here to scold _her_ actions afterwards? "I didn't do anything wrong."

"No, you just ran off without letting me explain anything."

"You broke my heart," she said weakly. "Is that what you want to hear? You broke my heart by keeping those images of an ex you claim to feel absolutely nothing for –"

"I don't! I don't feel anything for her!"

"And yet you still have them, Killian. How the hell does that make sense? Why do you have still have them?"

A long moment passed before he finally answered with, "I don't have an explanation. I really don't, I didn't think to delete them because I just didn't care much for them to begin with. If I kept them, or deleted them, I just didn't care."

"Nice."

"What do you want from me, Emma? I made a mistake and I'm sorry."

"How did you find me?"

"You never went home last night."

"I went ho–"

"Do not lie to me," he snarled and if her head didn't hurt so badly she would have laughed, because who was he to question her honesty? "You stayed here to avoid me, and were nearly attacked in the process, Swan – Graham told me what that bastard Cassidy tried to do to you."

"He failed."

"Barely."

She sighed. "He promised he wouldn't say anything."

"Graham didn't – you can thank Jefferson for that as he was the one who told me where to find you." He tentatively reached out for her, but when she stiffened he let his hand fall back onto his lap. "I made a mistake, Emma, and I truly am sorry. I went to your apartment thinking you'd eventually come home, but when you didn't I grew worried. I started making phone calls and when Jefferson finally told me where you were…" he shook his head with remorse in his eyes. "I came as soon as I could."

"Where's Graham, anyway?" she asked, remembering that he hadn't returned.

"Out," he clipped. "I asked that you and I have some privacy." He ran a hand through his hair and inhaled deeply. "I can bring him back if you wish. He took care of you, Emma, and I owe him immensely for that."

"Killian…"

"Forgive me," he whispered and a tear she hadn't realized had formed fell down her cheek. "Please, forgive me."

"Why didn't you tell me about Milah and what she was doing?"

"Because I'm a sodding idiot," he laughed shortly. "I don't bloody know, but those photos are gone, love. While I was sitting in the hall waiting for you to return, I finally deleted them."

Well it was about damn time. If only he'd done that simple act when he'd initially received the photos. He'd given his reason, that it had been an innocent mistake, but it still bothered her. Her brows dipped together and she closed her eyes, gritting her teeth. "I hate this."

"You'll feel better soon," he said sympathetically. "Jefferson said the drug will wear off in a few more hours."

"That's not what I mean," she said hoarsely. "I hate the fact that you just told me I don't have to worry about Milah anymore, and I can't believe you."

"Swan –"

"I don't…I don't trust you, Killian. How can I?"

"Because you love me."

"I do, and that's what makes it hurt so much."

"I see." He licked his lips and he looked down as his jaw worked underneath his skin. "Well, then I guess I'm going to have to prove myself to you again."

"No." She looked up at him and fidgeted with a fraying thread of Graham's comforter. "You were my best friend, Killian…and I fell in love with you." His eyes snapped back to hers and she choked back a sob. "They say you can love someone, or be friends with them but you can't be both… and as angry as I am with you, I don't think I can stop loving you. And at the same time I can't bear being anything more than friends with you and then going through that again."

By the time she'd finished speaking, his eyes were shining and if he blinked she wondered if tears would fall. Emma had never seen Killian cry, and she didn't think she'd be able to take it if he did now. But she'd made her point. He knew what she was saying.

It was over. Everything was over.

He nodded and cleared his throat with a short cough. "At least let me make sure you get home safely." He held out his hand, but Emma bit her lip, throwing the covers off of her and slowly stood.

"I can manage."

"I know, but give me this anyway. Please."

She could tell by the look on his face that he knew he had no right to ask anything of her, and while she wanted to have as clean of a break as possible, she wanted to be close to him. She was about to cut him out of her life. People weren't perfect. They made mistakes. She knew that. But there was no way they could go back to being friends when her feelings for him were as strong as they were. She wished that she could make them disappear, but it didn't work that way.

She gave a small nod, so as not to agitate her pounding head and his eyes lit up. It punched her in the stomach. She walked past him and out into the hallway as he followed behind her at an unfortunate distance.

When they finally reached her apartment, she went to open the door when he softly called her name with that damn lilt that made her heart break all over again. She didn't turn to look at him, but she could feel him close the distance between them, feeling his breath fan the shell of her ear.

"I love you, Emma. Until the end of time, those will be the truest words to ever leave my lips."

She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, letting the words swirl around her. They were beautiful and she wished like hell she could believe them. When she finally mustered the strength to turn and face him, Killian was gone.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Yeah, Emma isn't letting him off the hook so easily. He's messed up big time, but again, he's human and he's feeling pretty shitty right about now (we'll see just how well he's fairing next chapter). Thank you for reading &amp; please review. I do so look forward to reading them! ~Kate<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Sorry for the wait. Between working 40 hours a week, rehearsals, and trying to fit a life into that schedule, there hasn't been a lot of space for writing. But! I've got the weekend totally free (gasp) to dedicate to catching up. **

**I'm so glad you guys are still reading and reviewing and sharing your thoughts with me! I love hearing what y'all think about where you think this story is going and how great (or stupid *cough, Killian these last couple chapters*) these characters are. Some of your reviews make me laugh, but every single one has made me smile. Thank you for that. And thank you to Morgan for making this chapter the first thing she did after her migraine away. You're a rock star.  
><strong>

**I know chapter 4 was painful, but we're about to do a couple of small time-jumps and this chapter won't be much easier, I'm afraid. Enjoy! ~Kate**

* * *

><p>"You look like shit. Here."<p>

Killian glared at Jefferson, who had just handed him a cup of coffee. It had been just shy of two weeks since his breakup with Emma and while she seemed to be fairing just fine, he was nothing short of miserable. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so empty and it was surprising how much energy it took just to get out of bed in the morning when all he wanted to do was sleep for the rest of his life. At least when he slept, there was the chance he might dream of something other than her.

"When was the last time you shaved? You look like a hobo."

Killian lifted his hand to his face, realizing his normally sported scruff had quickly turned more into something of a short beard. He thought on it, but couldn't remember. The last time, he figured, had been somewhere in between the night of his breakup with Emma and the week after. He just didn't care – and why would he? He didn't have anyone to impress anymore. Why should he exert more time and energy into something he no longer needed or wanted? Emma had always loved his scruff anyway. She didn't mind his clean shaven skin when he chose to go that route, but she preferred the shadow and he made it a habit to bring the smile that he loved to her face often – even if his face itched like hell for the majority of the time.

"You're gonna continue to be a hermit, aren't you?"

Killian shrugged and stirred the creamer he'd added to his coffee. When Jefferson had stormed into his apartment this morning acting like he owned it, he forced himself out of bed (if not to kick the intruder out) and threw on a pair of sweatpants over his boxers and flopped into one of his bar stools. "I'll do whatever I bloody well like, thank you very much," he told him. "I've nowhere to be today. But surely you've got someone else to annoy?"

"It's summer vacation, man! This can't seriously be how you're choosing to spend it? Holed up in your apartment reeking of despair and shame?" He growled and Jefferson defensively held up his hands. "I'm just saying, Jones. She's moving on. Maybe you should, too."

His eyes narrowed instantly. "What do you mean, she's moved on?"

"She's been spending a lot of time with Humbert." Jefferson cocked an eyebrow. "Maybe you'd know that if you didn't spend every waking hour locked in this depressing prison you've created for yourself."

Killian swallowed hard. "How is she?" His friend eyed him for a moment, not answering right away. It angered him. Jefferson's mouth opened to speak, but then he closed it again. Why couldn't he just say how she was? Was it that hard?

"Are you sworn to secrecy or something?"

"I don't know if I should tell you."

Killian shot up from his seat and quickly made his way around the counter. "If something's wrong with her, I should know about it. She's already gotten into a mess with Neal, if Humbert so much as –"

"He's been taking care of Emma. He isn't the problem, Killian. I can promise you that."

"So she's fine, then?"

"He's taking care of her," Jefferson said again.

To say it hurt to hear that another man was with Emma, platonic or otherwise, was an understatement. To say it didn't bother him that another man was taking care of his Swan was like saying sugar was sour or that the sky was green. It was a ridiculous lie that he knew better than to try to convince himself otherwise.

And this was his fault. He'd brought it on himself, he knew that. He knew he should have told her the truth from the start. If only he'd just come clean about Milah's attempts to seduce him. Maybe then –

"Don't freak out," Jefferson said hesitantly. Finally. "But she _is_ moving on, and I think you should too."

He threw his hands up in the air in defeat. "Why on earth would I freak out? You're only telling me to stop caring about the girl I'm in love with."

"I'm not telling you to do that, Jones, and you know it. I'm strongly advising you stop letting your life pass you by. It's been days, literally_ weeks_, since you've gone outside." He eyed him up and down and Killian sniffed. "Judging by the way your clothes are wrinkled and your hair looks like you took an egg-beater to it, I'd say you've lived on your couch for the past two weeks."

Killian groaned in frustration. "Why do you even care?"

"Because you're my friend, dammit!" Jefferson shoved him and Killian's eyes went wide as he stumbled backwards, having not been prepared for the sudden contact. "It's obvious you're depressed and with good reason – Emma didn't deserve what you did to her, whether or not it was an accident. But you don't deserve to punish yourself like this either. You need to get a grip and get back out there."

"I can't move on, Jeff." He poured his coffee drink down the sink and watched as it swirled down the drain. "It doesn't work that way – not for me. I need her. I need my Swan."

"Then you need to get over yourself and go fight for her." Jefferson clapped him on the back before making a face. "But first you need to take a shower. You reek."

* * *

><p>"You look great. He's going to love it."<p>

Emma eyed herself in the mirror and finally, she _wasn't_ wanting to change into a new outfit. Nothing seemed to be right. Her first outfit had been too slutty. Her second, too casual. Her third too formal, and her fourth washed her out so bad she looked like she could be a member of the undead. She did a 180 spin and nodded. She was wearing a pale pink dress that brought out the green in her eyes. She'd initially turned the outfit away when Elsa had first suggested it, but it was only because she'd imagined wearing it for the first time for a date with Killian.

It had been almost three months since her breakup with Killian, and he still managed to sneak his way into her thoughts. Every now and then someone would say something in passing, or something would happen, to make her think of him and each reminder yanked at her heart.

But she shook her head, in turn shaking the image of the look on Killian's face at seeing her dressed like this out of her mind. The reaction wouldn't be coming from him tonight. Tonight wasn't about him. No, tonight, she had a date with somebody new. Somebody she trusted not to callously toss her heart around like a beanbag, and crush it in his hands like it was made of silly putty.

Ugh! She needed to stop thinking about him!

"Seriously, Emma," her friend said with a megawatt smile. "He's going to want that dress on the floor the second he lays eyes on you."

Emma fought the urge to roll her eyes, knowing Elsa would see it in the mirror's reflection.

Elsa James was one of the most beautiful women Emma thought she had ever seen. Porcelain skin, crystal blue eyes and perfectly straight teeth that could blind someone, she was the epitome of beauty. Her hair was a bit too light for Emma's taste (she didn't ever think she could personally pull off being that blonde), but it was gorgeous on Elsa. She looked like a rock star.

Emma had met Elsa when Graham had convinced her to crawl out of bed and go for coffee a few days after her split from He Who Must Not Be Named. She'd begrudgingly thrown on her favorite pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, thrown her hair into a ponytail and joined Graham for a coffee run. When they arrived, Elsa's boyfriend, Will Scarlet, had been in a hurry to get back to her at their outside table and as he was leaving the coffee shop, Emma was entering it – "Ladies first," Graham had said – and had smacked right into her, spilling hot liquid all over her shirt.

"Oi, I'm – bloody hell. Don't move, all right," Will had said apologetically. "I'll be right back."

Two seconds later, he came back inside with a tall blonde who had taken one look at Emma and rolled her eyes. "Now I see why he called me." She dug into her tote and pulled out a spare shirt. "This is why I carry this big of a bag – in case of emergencies like this. Here."

"I'm fine," Emma replied, waving away the shirt being offered to her. "Really, don't worry about it."

"It's nothing special, I know, but it'll do the trick until you can get home to wash the stain out of the one you're wearing. Will's a sweetheart, but he's also horribly clumsy."

"Hey!"

Elsa ignored him and insisted Emma take the item of clothing, who had given her a grateful smile. Once she had changed, the four of them had gone for a walk and made their way over to the movie theatre where they decided to watch the latest blockbuster. Once it was over, and they'd all agreed it was hyped up more than it should have been for what it was, they'd gone their separate ways – but not before getting each other's phone numbers.

Graham and Emma had made it back to her apartment and while it had been a quiet journey home, it was comfortable. Easy. And right now, Emma needed easy more than anything.

"They seemed nice," Graham had said, stepping closer to her and Emma nodded, gripping at her purse. "Sorry about your shirt, though. Think it will come out?"

"Oh, yeah; definitely. I'm not all that worried." She shot him a smile and then turned around, inserting her key and twisting the door knob.

"Emma?"

She'd turned around just as Graham took two steps forward, taking her face in his hands and kissing her soundly.

A million thoughts had gone through her mind: why am I letting this happen, it's too soon, do I feel this way about him and if not then I definitely should stop kissing him, I'm still kissing him, holy tongue, do I like the fact that he's kissing me, he is a good kisser.

They were just a few of the many thoughts…but one had stuck out more than the others:

He isn't Killian.

Graham had pulled away, but stayed close, allowing Emma some breathing room but not allowing much room for anything else. He wasn't saying anything, and she wasn't sure if she liked that fact or not. What surprised her more than his kiss though, was the fact that she'd felt comfortable with him.

He isn't Killian.

The thought had made its way into her head again and she ignored it.

"I won't apologize," Graham had whispered. "But I will say that if you need time, I'll give it to you."

"I just don't want this to be a rebound sort of thing."

He'd be a rebound because he isn't Killian, her mind had screamed at her again.

No. Graham Humbert was no Killian Jones, and she doubted any man would have the effect he'd had on her. However, once enough time had passed, she knew she'd be willing to give him a shot.

"Here," Elsa said, bringing Emma back to the present. She turned around and gasped. "Elsa, these are six inch heels; are you nuts?"

"Nope. But it'll make Graham _go_ nuts if he sees you wearing them." She smiled wickedly and Emma rolled her eyes. "Put them on."

"It's not going to happen tonight. It's our first date, I'm not like that."

"I said the same thing about my first date with Will," Elsa shrugged. "That went out the window though." Emma laughed and so did her friend. "Just saying, things don't always go according to plan."

* * *

><p>Graham brought her to the Rabbit Hole bar. When he told her where they'd be going, she wanted to change, but he'd assured her that it was an upscale bar (if there even was such a thing). He'd wanted to keep it a light night, with no expectations for the future. "We'll take the night as it goes and see where it leads us," he'd said and she felt the tension she'd been feeling melt from her shoulders. God, how she'd landed this guy without even trying blew her mind. He'd been unbelievably patient with her, and supportive. He'd somehow balanced the role of friend and significant other in a way that only one other man had managed, and – no. She stopped that thought in its tracks.<p>

"I haven't told you yet, but it should have been the first thing I said to you: you look great."

She smiled at his compliment and tried to let the fact that it didn't cause a swarm of butterflies erupting in her belly not bother her. "Thank you," she said, taking a sip of her beer.

"I still can't believe you're not a mixed drink kind of girl."

She grimaced. "I'm not like most girls." She nearly smacked herself with that cheesy as hell line. Not like most girls? What in God's name was she thinking with that one? "Besides, beer is healthier than a Long Island or a Sex on the Beach anyway. Those things are freaking loaded with sugar."

"I wouldn't know," Graham said with an easy smile, waving over. "I'm a beer fan as well."

The night progressed just as smoothly as it had begun and while Emma was enjoying her time with him, try as she might she just could not get that spark she so desperately craved to ignite. She waited for it, prayed for it even, but it just wasn't there.

He isn't Killian.

That damn thought poked at her again and a heavy sigh escaped her before she could stop it.

"Are you all right?"

"Great," she said quickly and with a wide smile that felt forced beyond belief. "I'm actually going to go to the restroom. If you'll excuse me…"

Quickly Emma made her way to the ladies room and gripped the countertop, turning on the faucet and splashing her face with cold water. What the hell was wrong with her? Graham was a great guy. He was kind, and he was a good kisser. Granted, she hadn't kissed him for nearly three months, but it had been a memorable one. Unfortunately, there hadn't been that telltale spark back then either.

"Get it together, Emma," she told herself, staring at her reflection. "He's a good guy. Give him a chance."

She took one final look, steeling herself, before exiting the bathroom and walking down the hallway. As she made the turn out of the hall and into the bar area, she smacked into a hard chest, sending a shiver of delight up her spine and curling down at her toes…and as soon as that pleasurable feeling took form, panic swooped in to take its place.

She knew that chest. She'd rested her head on that chest several times over the years and hadn't seen, let alone felt it, in months.

She slowly lifted her gaze and was immediately caught in two swirling depths of blue that nearly drowned her. Words failed to escape, paving the way for a bumbling mess to take its place. "Um…I'm…you're – sorry." She tried to move past him, but he gently took hold of her shoulders and forced their eyes to meet again.

"I am, actually," he said and she inhaled a sharp breath at hearing his voice for the first time in ages. "You've no idea how sorry I am, Emma. Please, let me –"

"What are you doing here?" she whispered, looking over his shoulder and hoping Graham wasn't about to come looking for her. She'd been gone for almost ten minutes and he'd grow suspicious soon if he wasn't already.

"It's a public venue, love." He smiled at her, though it didn't reach his eyes – which were filled with pain and a jolt of anger surged through her when she saw it. He didn't deserve to feel pain. Whatever he felt, though, he'd brought on himself.

"Yep, it is," she snapped, making a second attempt to get around him. "Now if you don't mind –"

"Please, just listen to…" he trailed off and she huffed, more than frustrated with how the night was turning out. She'd gone from being excited to going on a date with a new guy, to realizing she felt nothing for said new guy, to (literally) running into the one guy that had hurt her worse than she could have ever predicted, to feeling those almost-forgotten butterflies again with the guy she hadn't wanted to see again. "You," he tried again, seeming to have finally realized how she was dressed tonight. He was staring at her in awe. "Wow."

"What," she asked self-consciously, wrapping her arms around herself, feeling that if she crossed her arms than maybe she wouldn't feel as vulnerable as she did around him.

"You look stunning, Swan."

She felt her throat tighten at the softness in his voice, her eyes burning at the sincerity in his, and she jabbed a finger in his chest. "You don't get to say that to me," she bit out hoarsely. "It's your fault I'm not dressed this way for you. You snuck around on _me, _Killian. Remember?"

He recoiled as if she'd slapped him, but she wouldn't back down. "I did no such thing," he answered as though the wind had been knocked out of him. "Emma –"

"You may as well have!" she replied in voice that was a combination of a shout and a whisper. "You did this. I'm just trying to make the most of the damage caused. Sue me for trying to be happy."

"With one of my friends?" he snarled.

She laughed shortly. "That's rich, and in case you've forgotten, he's one of my friends too."

"Well then let's hope you have better luck with him than you did with me."

This time it was Emma who'd felt like she'd taken a blow to the heart. She took a step back and she could see the moment Killian had realized he'd pushed her too far. "Swan, I –"

"That's great, Killian," she choked out with a smile she needed to wear, otherwise she'd be in tears for sure. "That's just great." Without waiting for him to respond, she shouldered past him and stormed towards Graham, knowing her ex was hot on her heels.

And knowing she was being childish, knowing that she'd regret it the moment she did it because she could feel his eyes practically drilling a hole into her head with how hard he was looking at her, she did the one thing she knew would hurt him as bad as he'd hurt her.

She grabbed Graham's face and crushed her lips to his. She was breathless from the intensity of their kiss and Graham had somehow shifted them during the time their mouths had been locked together, and when he pulled away, Emma saw Killian watching them from the opposite side of the restaurant, his jaw clenched so hard she was surprised it didn't shatter under the pressure.

"What was that for?" Graham panted, a stupidly sweet smile on his face. "Not that I'm complaining, of course."

"That was for everything you've done for me lately." She kissed him again, just as hard as the previous one. "Now I'm making it up to you." Her eyes met Killian's when she delivered the line that would hopefully be enough to break the painful connection they obviously still had and said, "Come home with me tonight."

Emma watched as Killian's Adam's apple shot up and down, his lip curled, and an anguished expression flashed across his face before he gave her a hard nod. He then turned around and walked out of the bar, and she knew she had accomplished her goal.

Graham asked her a question, but she couldn't focus on it because a question in her head was speaking volumes louder:

If she had done the right thing by breaking Killian's heart, then why did she feel like she'd just broken her own in the process?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This story is winding down, but I'll see you next chapter! Don't forget to drop that review (since they have the same effect on me as a Captain Swan scene – I smile like an idiot and squeal like a child on Christmas morning)! ~Kate<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed (I still cannot believe there are over 100 of you following this thing), and thank you to the magnificent Morgan for beta'ing. She is _such_ a good friend – so encouraging and supportive and this story would have definitely been scrapped without her convincing me not to. Often when I go into a story, I have a set idea to play out in a certain way. However, as I write and the deeper I get into it, the characters sort of laugh at me and decide to take it in an entirely different direction and this time it frustrated me and I got very close to hitting the delete button. Luckily, I didn't and this story finally made it to the light at the end of the tunnel.**

**I hope y'all enjoy this final chapter and thanks for sticking with it. It really does mean the world for you to read it! ~Kate**

* * *

><p>Emma continued to stare at the door Killian had just walked through. She couldn't believe that after what had just taken place, <em>she<em> was the one feeling as if she'd just had her heart stomped on. She gritted her teeth because how in the _hell_ was that fair? Vaguely feeling a hand on the small of her back, Emma remembered she was still technically on a date. She turned her head and saw the concerned way he was looking at her.

"What?" she asked, her voice sounding choked.

"That was...well, that was quite the show."

"What are you –?"

Graham gave her a sad smile. "It's clear to me that you aren't over him, Emma." She went to respond, to tell him that he was wrong, but she failed to make herself speak. "It's all right, you don't have to say anything," he said as he signaled their bartender for the bill. What surprised her more than anything was that he didn't seem to mind. She had just used him for her own vendetta, using the feelings she knew he had for her, and yet there was no hint of anger in his eyes or in his tone.

Graham had paid for not only his drinks, but hers as well and the two walked a very awkward journey back to her apartment. The last time they had stood at her front door, he was kissing her and then asking her out on a date. It was funny how things could turn on a dime: happy goodbyes one minute, painfully awkward partings the next.

She fiddled with her clutch, keeping her eyes downcast, as she tried to figure out what the hell she could say to him. "I'm sorry" seemed ridiculous, but it was what came out of her mouth anyway.

"Don't be," Graham said. While he still didn't seem mad, he seemed more disappointed. "I get it, Emma. He's an unbelievably lucky man, having someone still want him after he hurt her as bad as he did."

She bit her lip before blowing out a heavy breath. "I'm not jumping into anything with him," she said finally. "You're right. He did hurt me, really freaking bad, too, but…the heart wants what it wants I guess." She added, "But he won't just be let off the hook either."

"He shouldn't be."

"He won't be, don't worry." She shook her head, pushing a strand of hair that had fallen in front of her face behind her ears. "Graham, at the risk of sounding cheesy…you really are a great guy. And you're going to make someone very happy one day."

"That someone won't be you, though."

"No," she said. "It won't be me."

He nodded, and took a step forward. Instead of kissing her this time, he pressed his lips to her cheek. "I had a lovely time tonight, Emma, and if you ever need anything don't hesitate to contact me. I'd like to still be friends with you."

Friends with exes hadn't paid off so far, but she nodded regardless. "I'd like that."

"Goodnight, Emma."

"Night, Graham."

0o0o0o0o0o

Killian lifted a metal flask to his lips, swallowing and enjoying the way his favorite brand of whiskey burned its way down his throat. He had been a right fool by thinking ambushing Emma was a good idea. She didn't like surprises, she never had, but a small part of him had hoped that she would be at least a little receptive after three months of separation.

Bloody hell, had he been wrong.

When she had looked at him and asked their friend Graham to go home with her, it had taken every bit of strength inside of him not to kiss her and remind her that she belonged to him and no one else. However, if he were being honest with himself, Killian knew that her proposition meant the official end to their relationship. She'd practically spelled out the end for them with the way she'd locked her gaze on his. He'd not been standing right next to the newly formed couple, but it was at a close enough distance that he could hear her words.

He took another swig and cleared his throat, looking down at the flask and shaking his head. He'd spent enough time drinking away his problems. They'd still be there when he woke up in the morning, accompanied by a pounding headache. He put the cap on his flask and set it down on the counter before walking into his bathroom, splashing cold water on his face and then getting ready for bed.

As bad as things felt now, and as much as he wanted to beg Emma for forgiveness – yet again – he knew it would be a futile attempt and that he needed to, at least, get some sleep. Just as Emma had explained numerous times, their relationship was over. He needed to accept that fact now.

_They were over._

The thought was a heavy one. It pulled his head down to the pillow and before it even touched, he was asleep.

* * *

><p>After scrubbing off her makeup, brushing her teeth and slipping into her tank and yoga pants, Emma flopped into bed. Her night had gone from exciting, to excruciating, to sad, to awkward, and finally, it ended on a strangely comfortable note. She hated having to hurt Graham (he never said those words, but she could see it on his face that she had), but she couldn't lie to herself or string him along when the sparks she needed to feel weren't there. The ones that were had been for another blue-eyed man who had broken her heart.<p>

Another blue-eyed man who had apologized to her countless times.

Another blue-eyed man she had also hurt in return.

She couldn't exactly ask him to come over after the way she'd all but told him to never contact her again, but she needed to do something. What exactly, she didn't know. She stared at her ceiling for what felt like hours before she couldn't take it anymore and she typed out a text message and hit send.

**If you're awake, then do me a solid and come over.**

Ten minutes later, someone was knocking on her door and as soon as she opened it, she heard a tired voice. "Emma, it's nearly three in the morning."

"You weren't sleeping, so does it really matter?"

"Well, no," Elsa drawled with a yawn before taking her hand. "Are you okay? Did your date with Graham go poorly?"

Emma nodded and walked away from her, heading into her kitchen with Elsa following behind. "You could say that." She set her coffee pot under the dispenser after placing a new filter with fresh grounds into the machine. "We're better off as friends."

"Really? What happened?"

"Killian happened," she answered instantly. She looked over her shoulder at her friend and shrugged. "I never mentioned him to you, but he was a big part of my life for a long time, and then we broke up."

"What happened?" Elsa asked the same question again before adding, "Though if you don't want to tell me, you don't have to."

But before she'd even finished her statement, Emma was going off. "I fell in love with my best friend. Things were perfect and I finally felt like things were the way they were supposed to be, but his ex-girlfriend got a little crazy. She made things…difficult, and one night I found the two of them together –"

"Oh, Emma." Elsa rubbed her friend's back, but Emma shook her head.

"They weren't in bed together, but they were kissing. He says she was kissing him, but…"

She continued on with her story and as she was telling it, Emma realized three things:

1) Milah had been the instigator, not Killian. She always had been.

2) What kind of a person claims to love somebody, but refuses to believe in them?

3) She needed to find Killian. Immediately.

"…I have to go," she said suddenly, briskly walking past Elsa and grabbing her zip-up off the wall hook, throwing it on and then sliding into her sneakers as Elsa asked where she was going. "I made a horrible mistake. Thanks for the talk," she said quickly, before snatching her keys off the side table and shutting the door behind her.

* * *

><p>Killian woke to the sound of someone continuously banging on his door. He wiped the sleep from his eyes and quickly sat up as the knocking grew in intensity.<p>

"Calm yourself, I'll be there in a moment!" he grumbled. Ignoring the way his head spun as he sat up, he got to his feet and shuffled out of his bedroom, twisting the doorknob. As soon as the door opened, he caught a flash of blonde hair before he stumbled backwards into his apartment. He breathed in the scent of her, unable to believe that she was even here. He felt his neck dampen and when he finally pried Emma off him, he realized she had tears staining her cheeks and his heart constricted.

"What's happened?" he asked worriedly, "Emma, what's wrong?"

If anyone had hurt her, if Graham had hurt her – friend or not –, he would pay.

"I'm an idiot," she answered through choked laughter. "God, I really am an idiot."

"I'm not certain that I follow," he said, his voice hesitant, slow.

"After you left the Rabbit Hole, Graham came home with me."

His jaw tightened and he clipped out, "I'm aware of that. I don't need a play-by–"

"Let me finish!" she begged, framing his face in her hands as she stared at him desperately. "He came home with me, Killian, but only to make sure I made it there safely. When you left, he realized I didn't mean it when I suggested he come back with me. He knew I was only trying to hurt you." He winced, feeling her thumb stroke his cheek. "I saw the look in your eyes and I knew that it worked."

"Indeed it did," he said, pulling away from her and pulling her hand away from his face. "Why are you here, Emma?"

"To apologize," she said, biting her lip as tears rolled over her cheeks. "To tell you how _stupid_ I am for never giving you the benefit of the doubt. To tell you I love you. To tell you that when you walked out that door, I wanted nothing more than to chase after you because hurting you hurt me too. Take your pick."

He gripped her hand; he had never released it from his. "Does this mean you believe me?"

"I love you." She tangled their fingers together and lifted it to her lips, pressing a kiss to each one. "You hurt me, but I _finally_ believe that it wasn't intentional. That you never meant, and would never mean to hurt me."

"Of course I wouldn't," he snarled in a hoarse voice.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it," she said just before he crushed his lips to hers. "I'm so sorry," she gasped as he suddenly scooped her up into his arms, holding her tight. For the first time in what felt like forever, he was home. He had his Emma in his arms. "Killian, we should…"

"Stop talking," he said in between kisses while he walked her into his bedroom. "I believe we've talked enough for one night."

"We've barely talked at all," she moaned as he nipped at her neck before lowering her down to his mattress and slipped his hand underneath her shirt. He groaned when he realized she wasn't wearing anything underneath and he rolled his thumb over her nipple, smirking at the way she jolted, her head falling against his pillow. "Oh God…"

He crawled on top of her, kissing her in a manner so passionate that it stole their breaths. "I love you," he whispered as he reached down to lower her yoga pants. "I love you, Emma."

"I was in denial…try as I might, I could never stop loving you." She cried out as soon as his fingers deftly worked over her clit. "God, I missed you."

He chuckled. "You just missed my talents, love."

"Maybe," she admitted, reaching down and cupping his cock in her hands, grinning at the way his head dropped with a hiss escaping from him. "You miss me, too?"

"You know I did."

And after losing his own pair of pants, he guided himself into her. It was then he realized that he had been wrong.

Having Emma in his arms was not home.

It was wonderful, and it was something he absolutely cherished, but it was not home. Being joined like this, united as one, _this _was home. And as he rocked into her, coaxing sounds from her that he thought he would never hear again, he realized he would do everything in his power to make sure he protected his home with everything he had. Nobody would come near her again. Nobody would cause her pain. Nobody would tear them apart or threaten their relationship ever again.

* * *

><p><em>He's here. You're here. You're together. You're awake. This is real.<em>

Emma couldn't sleep. Even as the light of morning began to spill through windows, she hadn't been able to take her eyes off of Killian. He was a heavy sleeper, especially after their many rounds of lovemaking, so he didn't even stir when she threaded her hands through his hair. She had wasted so much time by refusing to listen to her heart. It was amazing that one conversation could make her realize her unbelievable recantation. She knew she'd always been stubborn, but damn this level was record-breaking.

She sighed heavily and snuggled up to Killian, enjoying the way that even in his sleep, he wanted her near. His arm absently curled around her and tugged her close.

"Good morning, love."

Or maybe not so absently.

"Good morning," she smiled, pressing a kiss to his chest.

"What are you doing awake?"

She shrugged. "I couldn't sleep. I was afraid that if I went to sleep that I'd wake up and realize all of this was just some crazy dream."

"It's no dream, Swan." Killian ran a hand over her hair and kissed her head. "I can assure you, what transpired tonight was very real."

"I'm sorry," she said again, but he put a finger over her lips to silence her before she could say it again.

"I forgive you." He filled his voice with sincerity and as he stared down at her, she saw the same thing in his gaze. "You're everything to me, Emma. You made a mistake, but so did I. No one is perfect and we'd be sodding imbeciles to expect it to be so."

"I'm so happy you didn't slam the door in my face," she said quietly. "I came here as fast as I could. As soon as I realized what an idiot I've been, I just took off. I even left Elsa at my apartment. I just didn't think about what you would do when you saw me standing at your front door."

"What did you think of my reaction?" he grinned against her cheek and she turned her face to kiss his.

She smiled. "I loved it."

"I love you."

"I know." Tears stung her eyes and she nodded. "I know you do, and I'm never letting you walk away from me ever again. I'll listen first, and ask questions later. Believe me, I learned my lesson," she choked out, before changing her position, and straddling him. She kissed him square on the lips and rested her forehead against his as his hands stroked up and down her bare back. "Whatever happens in the future, I'll stick by you. I love you, Killian. We're in this together."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Yes, I know their reunion happened quickly but it felt right. On the show, as soon as Emma realizes she's made a mistake, she always rushes to make it right. As for Killian, he may hold a grudge against certain people (cough*Rumpelstiltskin*cough), but he loves Emma and would absolutely forgive her. <strong>

**Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed this short little tale of mine. There will be an epilogue, but I'm not sure when it'll get posted. But. Final thoughts? I do so love reading your thoughts, guys! Love you so much and thanks for reading! ~Kate**


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